The Role of Home in Marriage: A Reflection of Identity and Harmony
Quote of the Day:
"Your home is the place where you can exhale and be completely, 100 percent yourself." — Oprah Winfrey
Thought for the Day:
Let’s talk about something that often comes up in marriage: the home. Have you ever wondered why, as a woman, you feel so strongly about the colours, the décor, or the arrangement of furniture? For many men, these details might seem trivial, but for women, the home often represents far more—it’s an extension of our personality, a reflection of who we are.
The Home as an Emotional and Psychological Space
The concept of home transcends mere physicality; it is deeply rooted in psychology. Research suggests that the environment we create directly affects our mental health and emotional well-being. For many women, the house symbolizes safety, comfort, and identity.
Expression of Identity: Women often see their homes as a canvas to express their individuality. Choosing colours, furniture, and décor is a way to make the house uniquely theirs.
Emotional Connection: The layout and design of a home can evoke feelings of calm, security, and belonging. When these elements align with personal preferences, the home becomes a sanctuary.
For Men: The Perception Gap
Men, on the other hand, may not always share this perspective. Studies in relational psychology reveal that men often associate their identity with external achievements—career success, hobbies, or other pursuits outside the home. The home might be viewed as a functional space rather than an emotional or personal one.
Why Conflicts Arise Over Home Decisions
Conflicts about home décor or arrangements often stem from a lack of understanding of these differing perspectives.
Emotional Disconnect: A husband might see a request to change the wall colour as unnecessary expense or labour, while the wife sees it as essential for her comfort and happiness.
Differing Priorities: Men might prioritize practical functionality over aesthetic considerations, leading to disagreements about what’s “important.”
Unvoiced Feelings: When women feel their requests are dismissed, it can lead to frustration and resentment, as they may feel undervalued in the relationship.
Bridging the Gap: Communication and Understanding
The Importance of Open Dialogue
Effective communication is essential to bridge this gap in understanding. Explaining the emotional significance of a home improvement request can make all the difference.
Example: Instead of saying, “I want to paint this room blue,” you might say, “This shade of blue makes me feel calm and happy, and I’d love to have a room that reflects that feeling.”
Empathy in Action
When a husband empathizes with his wife’s perspective, he begins to see the request not as a trivial preference but as an important need. Likewise, women should also try to understand their husband’s point of view to find common ground.
The Role of Marriage Counselling
Sometimes, disagreements about home and other aspects of marriage reflect deeper relational issues. Seeking the guidance of a marriage counsellor can help couples:
Navigate conflicts more effectively.
Develop stronger communication skills.
Gain insight into each other’s emotional needs.
In Nigeria, marriage counselling is becoming increasingly recognized as a vital tool for strengthening relationships. If you’re in need of professional support explore options for marriage coaching tailored to your cultural and personal needs. Book a consultation with Bukola Olotu today
Actionable Advice
Today’s Tip:
If you’re facing resistance from your husband about changes in the home, take a moment to explain why the change is meaningful to you. Frame it as a way of creating a shared space that feels harmonious and balanced.
Step-by-Step Communication Plan
Start With Empathy: Begin by acknowledging your husband’s perspective to make him feel heard.
Example: “I know you’re not a big fan of repainting, and I appreciate how you’ve been supportive of my ideas in the past.”
Express Your Feelings: Use “I” statements to convey your emotions without assigning blame.
Example: “I feel happiest when our home reflects my personality, and it’s important for me to create that space for both of us.”
Collaborate: Involve him in the process to make it a joint decision.
Example: “What do you think about these colours? Which one do you prefer?”
Marriage Counselling in Nigeria: Building Stronger Relationships
Marriage counselling is no longer seen as a last resort but as a proactive way to strengthen and nurture relationships. With cultural nuances and societal expectations often influencing marital dynamics in Nigeria, seeking professional help can be transformative.
Benefits of Marriage Counselling
Improved Communication: Learn to articulate your needs and understand your partner’s.
Conflict Resolution: Gain tools to resolve disputes effectively.
Emotional Connection: Rebuild intimacy and trust through guided exercises and therapy sessions.
Cultural Sensitivity: Therapists in Nigeria are often trained to understand and address the unique challenges faced by Nigerian couples.
FAQs About Marriage Counselling
1. When should couples consider marriage counselling?
Couples should seek counselling whenever they experience recurring conflicts, communication breakdowns, or feel emotionally distant from each other. Counselling isn’t just for crisis situations—it can also help prevent future issues.
2. Is marriage counselling effective?
Yes, studies show that 70–80% of couples report improvement in their relationships after attending counselling sessions. Success depends on both partners’ willingness to participate and apply what they’ve learned.
3. How do I find a good marriage counsellor in Nigeria?
Search online for licensed professionals or ask for recommendations from trusted friends or community members.
4. How much does marriage counselling cost in Nigeria?
Costs can vary based on the counsellor’s experience and location. On average, sessions range from ₦15,000 to ₦50,000 per hour. Some centres offer affordable group counselling sessions.
5. What if my partner refuses to attend counselling?
Start with individual counselling to gain insights and tools for addressing the relationship. Sometimes, one partner’s growth and improved communication can inspire the other to join later.
6. Can marriage coaching work for cultural issues in Nigeria?
Absolutely. Many Nigerian therapists are skilled in addressing cultural challenges, such as extended family interference, gender roles, and financial disputes, making the sessions relevant and impactful.
Concluding Thoughts
Your home is more than just a place to live—it’s a reflection of who you are. For women, it’s often a sanctuary of comfort and self-expression. When partners understand and honour this, they create a harmonious and supportive environment.
Marriage counselling and coaching can further help couples navigate not just conflicts about the home but deeper relational challenges. By fostering empathy and open communication, you can build a marriage that thrives on mutual respect and understanding.
If you’re looking for a marriage counsellor near you, consider reaching out to Bukola Olotu for expert marriage counselling in Nigeria. Her expertise and compassionate approach can guide you on the path to a stronger, healthier relationship.
Quote of the Day:
"Your home is the place where you can exhale and be completely, 100 percent yourself." — Oprah Winfrey
