A conversation with a counsellor

Vulnerability can feel risky, especially within family dynamics. Yet, it is a key ingredient for deep connection. Many people wrestle with questions about when and how to be vulnerable—especially with those closest to them. In this post, I’ll respond to some real and honest questions that reflect common struggles.

Why can I not be vulnerable with my parents?

This is a question I hear often, and it’s deeply personal. Not being able to open up to your parents doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It could be that you fear judgment, disapproval, or emotional invalidation. Some parents were not equipped to handle vulnerability because they weren’t shown how to embrace it themselves. Others may unknowingly dismiss your feelings with phrases like “be strong” or “don’t overthink it,” which makes it hard to feel emotionally safe. Remember that vulnerability requires safety. If that hasn’t been built, it makes sense to guard yourself.

Is it okay to have my mom as my best friend?

The answer depends on the nature of your relationship. If your mom supports you, respects your independence, and maintains healthy boundaries, then yes—it can be a beautiful gift to have your mom as your best friend. However, if the friendship comes with blurred roles where you're expected to meet her emotional needs or make adult decisions in her place, it can become emotionally draining. A healthy mother-child friendship should still protect the emotional space you need as her child.

I’m not comfortable when my parents are vulnerable with me when they have fights. It feels like a burden.

You’re not alone in feeling this way. While vulnerability can build connection, it needs to be shared responsibly. When parents begin sharing details of their conflicts or venting about each other to their children, it can feel like an emotional overload. Children—no matter their age—should not have to carry the emotional weight of their parents’ relationship struggles. You are allowed to set boundaries. It’s okay to say, “I care about you both, but I feel overwhelmed when I’m drawn into your conflicts.”

Do you think listening and feedback are necessary in vulnerability?

Absolutely. Vulnerability flourishes in environments where people feel heard and respected. Listening with empathy, without rushing to fix or judge, creates the kind of space where people feel safe to open up. And yes—feedback matters too. A gentle, honest response helps the vulnerable person feel validated and understood. But sometimes, what’s needed most is simply your presence—a listening ear and a kind heart.

In Conclusion

Vulnerability is not weakness—it is courage. Whether you're struggling to open up or feeling overwhelmed by someone else’s openness, your feelings are valid. Set boundaries where needed. Extend empathy where you can. And remember, a trained counsellor can help you navigate these emotional complexities in a healthy way.

You don’t have to do it all alone.

Need a safe space to talk things through?

At Bukola Olotu Counselling Services, we provide confidential, compassionate support for individuals and families navigating emotional challenges.

Book a session today or sign up for our monthlywww.bukolaolotu.com newsletter at www.bukolaolotu.com to receive insights, tools, and encouragement for your personal and relational growth.

You are not alone—we’re here to walk with you.